Do you read?

I was at a dinner party last night when someone told me she "didn't really read."  This surprised me, since she is a professional reading specialist in an elementary school. She said she didn't really get a good start with reading as a kid, and as she got older, she didn't want to see other kids fall into the same situation. That, however, didn't ever help her learn to love reading herself. She said she occasionally picks up a newspaper, and on vacations, she'll occasionally read a book, but as a rule, she didn't really read.

My initial thought was simple: woah.

I can't imagine life without reading. I read all the time. I usually have more than one book going, including at least one that I've been working on for months. I have a stack in the headboard of my bed that is my "on deck" list, and more full and overflowing bookshelves in the house than I care to list. Doodlebug and Little Shmoo have three or four overflowing shelves of their own. The idea of any of us saying "I don't really read" or "I'm not much of a reader" is just impossible to comprehend.

I know, though, that a lot of people don't consider themselves "readers," and that, by my definition, they might be anyway. Truth be told, I've known this for about 20 hours now. That's right. Twenty hours. Wanna know why?

Ok, I'll tell you.

On the way home from the party, I asked True, "Honey, do you consider yourself someone who reads?

He thought about it a minute and answered, "No. Not really."

I was surprised. True reads all the time. There are articles from investment newsletters crowding the toothbrushes on our bathroom counter. Weeks' worth of articles from the Wall Street Journal and Chicago Tribune cover the kitchen table. By his side of the bed, on the floor, are more newsletters and investment journals, Newsweek, The Smithsonian, and anything I've torn out of Wired or Utne for him. There's also usually a couple of books he's thumbing through or meaning to read.

So, I mentioned all this to him, and he said, "Yeah, but I don't read, you know, books. Not really. Not more than one every few months. Not like you and all your books."

So, when True hears "Do you read?," he thinks it means, "do you read novels, like Debi reads?" Oy! Why is that what he hears? I definitely think of him as someone who reads, just like I think of my friend who writes literary non-fiction  as a writer, even though she's not a novelist. It made me think about how our perceptions of a question like that shape our answers, and how many times we paint ourselves in a light that is distorted by those perceptions.

Some examples:

"Are you into music?" As a creator of music? As a listener? As an avid concert-goer? As a shower-singer?

"Do you like kids?" Do you want your own? Would you like to babysit mine? Do you think they're fun to play with? Can you tolerate them?

"Do you like trying new foods?" Would you go to an unusual ethnic restaurant? Would you buy a strange-sounding salsa? Are you eager, willing, or just not opposed?

"Do you like sports?" Do you play? Do you watch? Do you think they're a good idea? Do you want your kids to play?

Are you religious? Are you brave? Are you happy?

Nu?