friends
October 2008 
Who is the kindest person you know?
Posted on Oct 25th, 2007
by 
Debi
Debi
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for October 18, 2007:
My mother-in-law is both the kindest and toughest person I know - so after having known her, I can do away with any notion that being nice means that people can walk all over you. She has always been generous with her time, her compassion, her advice, her money, and her love, and there have surely been times when all but the last were probably in short supply.
She is a woman who has led a difficult life in some ways; a tempestuous relationship with her parents, a daughter born too early and quite ill after a frightening pregnancy, her husband dead before age 50 to medical malpractice. She's had all the usual trials of a mother of two, of course, but she's also had something that my parents did not: a huge family all around her to support her through it.
I think, because of this support in her life, it does not occur to her that her children should have to "go it alone" in anything. She's been there for us in ways we would not have thought to ask, and for me, she's been a mother from early on. There was never a question of distance between us -- she assumed, I think, that we would get to know each other well enough for genuine affection eventually, and so I believe she faked it until it was real. From the very beginning, I've felt supported by her: as a new bride, buying our first home, having our children. She has always been another parent to me. This doesn't diminish the role of my parents or their importance to me (no matter what they think), but it does add a dimension of love to my life that I didn't imagine I could have.
The reason I consider the kindest person I know is that her kindness has never seemed to come with strings attached. I've never felt that she "calls in" her favors, or asks us to reciprocate, or uses our gratefulness as a tool to get anything out of us. There is no internal tally running in her head. She is just kind because that's what she thinks she should be. I don't even know if it's conscious, really. What people need, if she has it, is theirs.That's real kindness -- and she's one of the only people I know who has it.
I am a lucky daughter-in-law, for sure.
She is a woman who has led a difficult life in some ways; a tempestuous relationship with her parents, a daughter born too early and quite ill after a frightening pregnancy, her husband dead before age 50 to medical malpractice. She's had all the usual trials of a mother of two, of course, but she's also had something that my parents did not: a huge family all around her to support her through it.
I think, because of this support in her life, it does not occur to her that her children should have to "go it alone" in anything. She's been there for us in ways we would not have thought to ask, and for me, she's been a mother from early on. There was never a question of distance between us -- she assumed, I think, that we would get to know each other well enough for genuine affection eventually, and so I believe she faked it until it was real. From the very beginning, I've felt supported by her: as a new bride, buying our first home, having our children. She has always been another parent to me. This doesn't diminish the role of my parents or their importance to me (no matter what they think), but it does add a dimension of love to my life that I didn't imagine I could have.
The reason I consider the kindest person I know is that her kindness has never seemed to come with strings attached. I've never felt that she "calls in" her favors, or asks us to reciprocate, or uses our gratefulness as a tool to get anything out of us. There is no internal tally running in her head. She is just kind because that's what she thinks she should be. I don't even know if it's conscious, really. What people need, if she has it, is theirs.That's real kindness -- and she's one of the only people I know who has it.
I am a lucky daughter-in-law, for sure.
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